A type A person, a control freak, a “Blaire Waldorf” — these and many other concepts all sit deeply in our culture, promoting a lifestyle of someone who’s always in control of every step of their life. While sometimes used with humor, it also makes us cling to this image, not allowing us to see that we are severely limiting ourselves. We want to have everything planned and understood, but is that quite the power we think it is? We make long lists of natural ways to manage anxiety and organizational hacks to tackle our chores, all the while packing our day with more rules. The truth is much simpler: not everything requires this stiffness. There’s an opportunity for spontaneity here.
Not the Power We Think It Is
Being in control, in simple terms, is about safety. When nothing around you is unpredictable, you can guarantee your own security. Or that’s the gist of it, if we strip down all the superficial ideas on top of it. But what is this about? Unfortunately, it’s about fear.
When individuals who have searched “What is Liven app” and downloaded the app open up about their behaviors, it becomes apparent that control is a coping mechanism. It appears in response to the past we lived through: our childhood, toxic relationships, or traumatic situations.
But when our daily behavior stems from fear and distrust in the world, we don’t grow or leave these fears behind. Even though we feel more at ease when every variable is accounted for, it all can come crashing down the moment something doesn’t go as planned. And that’s not power. That’s just an endless process of self-maintenance and work.
The Psychological Costs
No matter how much we believe that being in control makes us calmer, the reality is quite the opposite. Unless we are androids, we cannot spend all our time controlling every step and every act we do. And so, we face the unpleasant consequences.
Chronic Stress and Mental Fatigue
It’s mentally exhausting to control so much. We organize every step while second-guessing ourselves — plus, we always make plan B and find new paths. We are never able to rest.
Anxiety When Facing Uncertainty
Unfair as it is, life is full of unpredictabilities. But when we control everything, we either learn to fear any change or don’t allow ourselves to be exposed to it at all.
Perfectionism and Self-Criticism
A need for control often feeds perfectionism. So, if we don’t do something perfectly, we start to criticize ourselves for every misstep. This can cause much more serious problems with self-esteem in the long run.
Vulnerability Is a Right
When we let ourselves be open to chance, we also become eager for new things. It’s as if we’re saying: Okay, world, show me what you’ve got for me. I’m ready.
It means surrendering to chance and believing that what we are as a whole individual is enough to make it even if something goes wrong. It means we don’t plan every second of our trip abroad, thinking we can navigate through a few adventures.
The same principle applies to everything — our job, relationships, and even creativity. And, really, it’s tough, being that baddie who can admit “I don’t know” and “This matters to me, and I am figuring it out.” This is surrender in the most poetic and self-compassionate way. It’s like releasing the illusion that we can control everything. We can’t. And is that so bad? When we no longer grasp at our checkboxes and our one-year resolutions, we no longer drift from point A to point B but actively engage with the world.
We Can Balance It
Some things require structure, while others can be let go. If you’re worried that, once you stop controlling everything, you’ll just allow all of it to crumble, don’t worry yet! A healthy life is a mix of both.
There are times when control is helpful. Setting boundaries, making plans, managing time, or working toward goals rely on self-management since they require a more structured approach. They give us a sense of progress and an understanding that we are protected from chaos where it’s necessary.
At the same time, certain areas aren’t as easily controlled — and perhaps, they shouldn’t. This can be something concerning the future, relationships, or the emotions of other people. We can influence things beyond our control only to a particular extent, and so acceptance and adaptation are much more realistic.
This mental adaptability, which is also called psychological flexibility, is a core skill in emotional wellness.
Most Importantly, Growth
Probably the best thing about letting some improvisation in and loosening the grip on control is that we finally get to experience creativity, growth, and experimentation. When you’re not rigidly attached to one plan or one way of being, you’re free to adapt and learn. Mistakes become lessons, not threats. New turns of events become adventures. People we meet along the way become our friends, our one-hour archenemies, or even our loved ones.
We grow emotionally, too. No longer suppressing what we feel, we start to perceive a full range of feelings. It brightens our view of the world, and we want to see it through our own lens. Not cataloguing or analyzing — just… being a part of it.
Conclusion
Although there’s much the control can do for us in many situations that call for structure, keeping a strict touch on everything is impossible. Finding the balance between chaos and rigidity can be a bit of a challenge for someone who’s not entirely used to it. But we all crave authenticity. And that’s why, even when we try to keep things perfect, there will always be something breaking through — like a flower through asphalt, blooming and eager to reach the sun.
